I'd just like to take this time to extend my sincerest apologies for not going along with your shenanigans for all of those wonderful and exciting years we've spent together. Sadly I've been unable to see the majority of you, possibly because you're all in University (either learning Psychology or Business, it doesn't really matter.. You won't complete it anyway.) receiving a well deserved education paid by none other than your wealthy parents.
To be honest I'm not sure why I never joined in on the ongoing parties throughout the years, possibly because I was never invited and was never there to fully understand what goes on in your brilliant minds as you funnel beer while wearing Hollister and chug your father's liquor out of red plastic cups.