1. Sometimes life is as eventful as watching grass die.

2. Sometimes life is like that spinning Strawberry ride at every single fair known to mankind - Although you spent your money to ride it, at the end you will almost always throw up and cause that 53 year old carnival worker to hate his life even more than he already does.

3. As long as you're tall with a good set of breasts you will be guaranteed a prosperous future, regardless if you deserve it or not.

4. Sometimes people just suck. Usually for no reason at all.

5. When you delete the precocious idiots you hated in high school off Facebook it is probably the greatest feeling in the world. That is until you're bored on a Friday night and realize you have no one left to creep.

6. Gingers unfortunately do have souls. However this soul can easily be lost by watching any Tom Cruise movie.

7. Any problem in life can be solved by a cat. That is why every person in Hoarders has fifty of them in their garage.

8. Watching Storage Wars will fix absolutely anything. It doesn't matter if you're crying or pissed off at anything, just watch Storage Wars. And nothing will hurt anymore.

9. Don't punch walls. Although they don't punch back, you will probably fracture your hand and look like an idiot.

10. Above all else, don't be a douche. Ever. And that's pretty much it.